Nothing left to lose
by mkras
Summary: He had never seen her cheeks so flushed or her dark blue eyes so fiery. NS
1. With a little help from my friends

A/N: So, this is a future fic. Everything that has happened in the show so far has happened however, for the sake of this story, lets pretend that by the end of Season 3, Nate and Serena get together. (Really hoping that will actually happen!!) Feedback/reviews are love :)

* * *

**Nothing left to lose**

_With a little help from my friends…_

Serena van der Woodsen turned on her heel and started back down the stretch of beach she had just walked. She was getting sand in her Manolos, but she didn't seem to notice; a warm breeze blew her loose, golden curls in her face, but she didn't seem to notice that either.

She had spent the last four years here. Did she really want to leave? In desperation, she turned and walked towards the ocean. The pristine water lulled and swayed with the breeze. There was not a wave to be seen. The deep blue glittered strikingly under the candescent stars. Serena let her feet sink down into the sand.

The last four years passed through her mind like a blur. Staying in different hotels all over Europe, living (quite nicely) off her mother's credit card. See, Lily was trying her best to understand and support her only daughter however, there was only so much Lily Bass was prepared to put up with. She wasn't going to let her daughter waste her life away flitting in and out of country after country. No, this so-called lifestyle Serena had been living for the past 4 years was over, and Lily had given Serena an ultimatum. She could stay here, in Nice, on the terms that she would settle and go to university, or she could return home.

Back to New York. Back to Nate. The reason she had left. After his boating accident it was terrifying for her to see how scared she was, how much she needed him. So she left. Yet, not a day had passed when her mind had not lingered on the thought of those beautiful green eyes. It was true, Serena still needed him. It was all so confusing. Going back to the Upper East Side... it would open up all that confusion again.

She couldn't deal with that right now. She would stay.

* * *

Serena entered her suite in her beachfront Nice hotel. Her balcony faced the city, and she loved it. She picked up her cell phone to call her mum, and tell her she was here to stay.

One new voice message. Fine.

"Hey S. I know today's the judgement day, and I'm not trying to sway you. But I think you should know. Nate's getting married. Two weeks. She's horrible S. She hates me, and Chuck. Nate doesn't even love her. But, this has to be your choice. Just so you know though, if you come home, I don't think he'll get married. But we'll love you no matter what. Call me."

Nate? Getting married? To someone who wasn't her? She'd always had it in her mind that if she stayed, he'd come find her. There was a reason she hadn't hooked up with any cute European boys. She staggered out onto her balcony, and stared over the lights of Nice. On any other night, she would have soothingly breathed in the warm night's air, soaking up the beauty of it all, but tonight had turned out to be far from just any other night. Now, in light of the information she had just been told, well, the lights just looked so.... false, misleading.

If you're not with the person who makes you happy, who cares how things look? Beauty, fun, excitement. Without Nate, she couldn't feel it. She ran inside and grasped her cell phone.

* * *

"Who was on the phone?" Nate asked Blair, strolling into the sitting room.

"Um, Chuck!"

"Chuck's in the kitchen."

"Right, so I'll go confirm his um, phone call."

Nate raised his eyebrows at his ex-girlfriend's strange antics. "You do that." Sometimes, he just didn't get those two.

Blair hurried inside, and grabbed Chuck. "That was Serena. On the phone."

"And?"

"She's coming back."


	2. Hold our bodies close, for me

_Hold our bodies close, for me…_

Serena spent the majority of the plane ride staring straight ahead of her. She found the car her mum had sent to Queens as soon as she grabbed her luggage. It was well past midnight when she got to Blair's apartment.

Apparently, Nate had moved into the spare room and using the key Blair had given her the day she had bought the place, Serena quietly pushed open the door. She crept down the dimly-lit hallway and reached what she remembered as the spare bedroom.

She stood staring at the door. _Wait. What the fuck was she doing? Creeping into his bedroom like some kind of stalker? What if his fiancé was sleeping with him?_ Alas, her need to see him, physically see him that is, not the manifestation of him she kept hidden in her mind, won over and she gently opened the door and tip-toed into the room.

There he was. Sleeping. She hadn't seen him in four years. She felt her breath catch in her throat... still beautiful. Serena van der Woodsen, who had always had men staring at her, stared in awe at the sleeping frame of Nathaniel Archibald.

After a few moments, she realized how crazy she would look if someone walked in on her right now. What if Blair or Chuck got up to go to the bathroom. Had she closed the door behind her? Suddenly anxious she turned and moved quickly towards the door, hoping for a speedy exit. "Argh!" Serena moaned as she stubbed her foot on the corner of the door. "Shit shit shit shit" She mumbled under her breath, hobbling as fast as she could through the door whilst trying to nurse her throbbing toe.

"Serena?"

She froze. _Fuck._ The pain in her foot was immediately forgotten. At that exact moment, Serena contemplated many things. Running away being one of the more prominant voices screaming out in her mind. But, she wasn't a teenager anymore, she had grown up, or so she'd like to think. Slowly, she turned to face him.

Serena had forgotten that Nate slept in boxers. And only boxers.

"Hey Nate." She whispered, her head lowered.

He had been sitting up in his bed, but was now on his feet walking towards her. Quite quickly too. "Serena. What are you-"

Serena was going to stand there and answer all his questions. But his eyes were still as deep and dark and intense as they had always been. And when they looked at her, they were still filled with the same passion, lust and the most overpowering, love.

So, she did the one thing she had been wanting to do for four excruciatingly long years. She kissed him.

What surprised her was when he kissed her back. She pulled away to look into his eyes again. "Nate, I'm-"

He put a finger up to her, now, swollen lips. He allowed himself to take her in. All of her. The four-years older Serena. She had changed but she was still as beautiful as ever. He knew he was supposed to be getting married, but his mouth on Serena's was all he wanted right now. He slid his hands down onto her waist, and she wrapped her arms around his neck.

_'This is why I came home,'_ Serena thought to herself as she moved her hands over Nate's stomach, chest and shoulders, exploring the skin she hadn't touched in so long.

Nate pulled her closer to him, and ran a hand through her soft, luscious hair. He pulled back and touched her face, before kissing her again. And in that moment she knew. This was the man she was going to marry. Fiancé or not, she was going to end up with Nate Archibald. She could feel it.

Nate knew it too. He told himself he would try and do the right thing. He would try his hardest to go through with it with Naomi. But he knew that he could never love anyone but Serena.

But this was not who he was raised to be. And eventually, he felt compelled to try and do the right thing. Reluctantly, he pulled away from her.

"Jesus Serena." He sighed frustratedly, running a hand through his mess of golden brown hair, "I'm engaged."

"I know."

"I can't do this." He took a step back.

"I missed you Nate."

"Serena, I haven't seen you in four years. Why the hell did you just pack up for Europe? I missed you then. I _needed_ you then."

"Needed me?" She asked with tear filled eyes.

Nate sighed. "I need you more now."

With those words, Serena broke down. "I'm so sorry," she sobbed. Nate sat her on his bed.

"It's gonna be okay Serena." She just kept crying. And apologizing. Nate couldn't think of anything else to do but lay them both down in his bed. His heart tore when he noticed how perfectly she fit in his arms. Two ex-lovers reunited, so perfect and yet so tragically flawed. Nate took a breath, clearing his head of all the protests and simply acted on his heart holding onto Serena for dear life, until they both fell asleep.


	3. How long can we pretend?

_How long can we pretend?..._

It was still dark when Nate woke up. He watched Serena while she slept, remembering the last time they had fallen asleep together. It had been sophomore year of college. In some ways, to Nate, it seemed like yesterday. In other ways, it felt like a lifetime ago.

_She had rolled over and shook him awake. It was 9:15 "Natie!" She had announced. "I'm having one of my wild impulsive moments. I think it's time I try that surfing thing."_

_He had grinned. "Energetic, are we?"_

"_Very." She had answered, cocking an eyebrow._

"_Maybe I could take care of that? Surfing doesn't really take up that much energy..."  
_  
And that had been it. Nate smiled at the memory. She used to hate sex in the morning, but every once in awhile he was able to talk her into it.

* * *

He looked out the window of the bedroom. The faintest hint of the sun broke over the tops of the other apartment buildings. Serena stirred next to him.

Nate pulled her closer to him, scared that if he didn't keep holding onto her, she'd disappear. He let his thoughts drift back to college. They'd graduated high school on top of the world. They'd been accepted to Brown and were both going.

Freshman year had been this blur of everything changing around them. Nate had felt like they were the only thing that had stayed the same. The first half of sophomore year had been fantastic. It was in April that he had gotten in the accident and everything had gone to shit.

He knew Serena blamed herself, and he knew he was still angry with her for leaving, but they hadn't come to terms with any of it yet.

It had been almost a comfort zone with Serena in Europe. The ball had been in her court. Now she was back and she had thrown the ball to him. And there wasn't much he could do with it when he was supposed to be engaged.

Correction, while he was engaged. Although, he didn't even want to think about Naomi right now.

* * *

Next to him, Serena stirred again. Nate looked at the clock. 7:15. Huh. Time flies when you're contemplating life. He watched Serena's eyes flutter open.

"Hey Nate." She whispered.

"Hey."

Serena bit her lip, not sure if she should go the tactful, awkward way and pretend they hadn't made out and fallen asleep together while he was engaged, or if she should just go for it. She decided to go for it.

"I like this. Waking up with you." Nate met her eyes and recognized the glint in them. He immediately tried to steel himself to her.

"I really, really missed you Nate." She said meaningfully. Nate knew she wanted to save the serious talk for later. It was all about sex now.

"Serena.."

"It's morning." She said. "You could never get me to do it in the morning."

"Once or twice." He said, not able to resist falling into her banter.

"Go for three."

"God, Serena, I missed you too." He said, reaching for her. She positioned herself on top of him and kissed him. He kissed back, pushing away his guilt.

Nate took a deep breath and started pushing away the clothes she had slept in. They went on kissing and undressing like this for a while, taking it slow. The buzz of the intercom from the kitchen interrupted them. Blair's voice rang out through the speaker.

"Naomi alert."

* * *

A/N: Yesss, I changed the name of Nate's fiance :) Molly was annoying me..


	4. A moment of doubt

_A moment of doubt..._

Nate sighed. "Serena, please don't take this personally, but you've got to hide."

"Hide?"

"Yes." He picked up her clothes and grabbed her hand, dragging her into the bathroom. "Just stay in here, please."

He wanted to smack himself. Here she was, Serena van der Woodsen in his bedroom, wearing nothing but a bra and underwear and he was going to talk to Naomi about table seating or where the bridesmaids would get their hair done, or something equally irrelevant.

He was giving up an almost naked Serena. She had been in his dreams for four years and this is what it had come to. Nearly naked ex-girlfriend or fiancé who was bound to be wearing her usual uniform of preppy designer clothes, talking about shit.

And for some reason not even Nate could understand, he chose the latter.

Serena looked totally bewildered. "You're serious? You're sticking me in the bathroom?"

Nate gave her the infamous puppy dog eyes. "This hurts me far more than you." He said, kissing her again. "I really, really missed you Serena," he said sincerely, before shutting the door.

She leaned against the shut bathroom door and let out a breath. Serena let the smile form on her lips. Damn. She missed him. She had had a few guys when she first got to Europe, but surprisingly enough, none of them compared to Nate. She loved him and maybe that was why. Or maybe he was just that good. She decided it was both, then went back to replaying the whole scene over in her head.

* * *

Naomi Bergendorf walked briskly into the spare bedroom where her fiancé slept. She noticed several things. The door was slightly ajar. The covers on the bed were an absolute mess. And she wasn't sure, but she thought she caught the slightest hint of Givenchy, a very irresistible perfume.

Nate shifted on the bed. Just his luck to pick the most observant girl in the world as his fiancé; he could tell she was surveying the scene, but he feigned innocence.

"Mimi." He said smiling.

"Nate. No nicknames, please."

"Right."

She strode over to the bed and kissed him, briskly. Everything she did was brisk; this girl didn't waste any time. Nate compared these thoughts to Serena, who could lie on the beach and stare at the night sky for hours. Nate would know, they'd spent a lot of time doing that in college before she just took off and-

"Nate. Hello?" Naomi snapped interrupting the monologue he couldn't turn off in his head.

Nate gazed up at her. Naomi Bergendorf. Daughter of Jonathan and Siobhan Bergendorf. Jonathan was a successful Irish businessman in International banking and his wife was an interior designer. Naomi had classic Irish features. Red hair, green eyes, pale skin. When Nate had met her he had been struck by the contrast between her and golden curls, deep-blue eyed, always tan Serena. He had found Naomi strikingly gorgeous. But now that he had the comparison, he wasn't so sure.

"Sorry Naomi. You were saying?"

"I was saying, darling, that the wedding is a mere two weeks away. I know it seems rather reckless, but I need to go to Seattle for the weekend and discuss the last minute details with Kim."

Nate was extremely glad he had paid attention to this particular information. Kim was Naomi's best friend and maid of honour.

Nate nodded. "I understand."

Naomi beamed. "Of course I'll be back for the party on Sunday night."

"Of course you will." Nate said obediently.

* * *

Serena was pressed against the bathroom door, listening with disgust. Who the hell was this girl? And what would possess Nate to think that he should marry her? Serena was suddenly worried. Maybe it was the other way around. Maybe Nate was totally happy with this snotty sounding Naomi girl. Who the hell did Serena think she was?

She shook her head. No way. This was her and Nate she was thinking about. They were definitely going to end up together.

But it would be tough. There was no room for negative thoughts.

* * *

Nate watched Naomi go and mentally slapped himself. She looked really concerned. And she should, with his way far off demeanour. He'd seen a glimmer of that vulnerable look in Naomi's eyes. Much the one he saw in the mirror when Serena had abandoned him.

He felt a drop in his stomach. No way was he going to put Naomi through all that hurt. No way.

He was resolving himself to the fact that nothing could happen with Serena when she re entered the room, dressed again. Serena could see this was not the time to pick up where they had left off. Instead, she smiled. "Can't wait to see your mom and dad." She told him, smiling and walking out of his room.

Nate just sat there, bewildered by that air of mystery she still carried. He breathed in deeply. It smelled like her perfume. He grinned.

So much for nothing happening.


	5. And a moment of clarity

I'm not a review whore or anything like that. But when you get absolutely zero reviews for an update, it's not exactly encouraging. Here's chapter 5, and after that I'm not sure when this story will be updated again. Thanks to all those who read this though, and I hope you enjoy.

* * *

_And a moment of clarity..._

Serena strolled down the hallway, into the kitchen. She noticed that there was no coffee in the maker, and figured that Chuck and Blair must not be awake yet. She glanced at the Cartier watch on her wrist and winced. 7:27. This Naomi person sure as hell didn't waste anytime in the morning.

Serena opened the cabinet she knew would contain an array of Colombian coffees, and selected a particularly strong one. She went through the motions of putting it in the coffee maker, and when she turned around, she was facing Blair Waldorf.

"Oh my god Serena! You're here!" Her best friend gushed, running over to her and pulling her into a hug.

Serena just smiled into Blair's shoulder.

"But wait, when did you get in?" Blair asked, pulling out of the embrace

"I got in last night." Serena said slowly, watching a puzzled look form across Blair's pretty features.

"Last night? I don't understand. Where did you..?" Blair stopped, a realization dawning onto her face. For the first time, Blair took in Serena's slightly dishevelled appearance and crumpled clothes, and smiled.

Serena knew that look on her best friend's face, "No, not that Blair! I just slept in his bed, nothing happened. I only did it because I didn't want to wake you and Chuck up."

Blair smiled knowingly. "Whatever you say Serena."

* * *

The two best friends were catching up when Chuck emerged from his and Blair's bedroom.

"Welcome home sis." Chuck smiled slyly, not at all surprised at the blonde's sudden re-appearance after four years.

"Thanks Chuck. It's good to be back."

"Does Nathaniel know you're here?"

"Uhhh…" Serena faltered to answer.

Blair cut in, "No he doesn't. I think he's still asleep. In fact, I think I should go and get him up, seeing as Ann is stopping by in –" Blair checked her watch, "-less than ½ hour."

Blair left to go and wake Nate up, leaving the half brother and sister alone.

"I really am glad you're back S." Chuck said leaning against the marble counter-top. "You know, Nathaniel really hasn't been the same since you left, and now you're back, hopefully he'll come to his senses and dump that seriously annoying, little preppy –"

Blair re-entered, interrupting Chuck's little rant, "Nate's getting ready now, and I suggest you two do the same. Ann will be here soon."

* * *

Ann had been watching Serena quietly pouring herself a cup of coffee. For the first 2 seconds that she had seen her, Ann had been angry with Serena. Any mother would be when the girl her son is in love with leaves him in a hospital bed.

But it soon faded, and she realized she wasn't mad. She realized that Serena's return might just be the answer to everything. Because she would have bet her house, her car and her job that Nate didn't really love Naomi. Which wasn't too hard to figure out. Naomi was, to say the least... difficult.

Ann smiled when Serena turned around. She looked so nervous. "Hey Serena." She said warmly.

Serena discarded the coffee and turned to fully face Nate's mother.

"Hi Ann." Serena responded. "I'm so-"

Ann shook her head. "Water under the bridge." She said with a smile. Just then, heels clicked into the kitchen. It was Naomi. Serena was caught completely off guard. Naomi? Why was she back? Hadn't she left over an hour ago?

"Good morning Ann." Naomi said briskly. She looked Serena up and down, obviously appraising her. Serena stood coolly in front of her, with raised eyebrows. She did not let Naomi make the first move.

"Serena van der Woodsen." She said, extending her hand.

"Naomi Bergendorf." She said, shaking Serena's hand. "Are you a friend of Nate's?"

Ann couldn't help but watch in amusement as Serena grinned slyly. "You could say that. Actually, I grew up with Nate. I used to live here on the Upper East Side. I'm Blair Waldorf's best friend."

A bit of comprehension seemed to dawn on Naomi. "Oh." She said stiffly, withdrawing her hand. "And when did you get in?"

Serena grinned again. "Late last night. You know how it is - red eye from Europe."

"Yes." Naomi agreed. "I hate planes, but I have to travel on one this weekend. I'm going to Seattle, wedding plans. There is just so much to do." She said condescendingly. She looked Serena up and down again.

"I bet." Serena said, smiling tightly.

"Speaking of, where is my lovely husband-to-be? I left my purse in his bedroom when I visited him earlier this morning."

"Is this it?" Serena asked, holding up a black Gucci purse.

"Yes, that's it." Naomi said grabbing it hastily out of Serena's hands as if they were somehow contaminating it or something. "Well, lovely to meet you. Bye Ann."

Ann watched Serena intently, who remained motionless until Naomi clicked out the front door. Serena let out a shaky breath. "God, she's horrible!"

Ann saw the tears reflecting in Serena's eyes, and she opened her arms. "I know. Come here sweetie." Serena hugged Ann, and cried a little bit.

"Why her?" she whispered to Ann.

"I have no idea."

* * *

Nate winced from his bedroom. The door was open ever so slightly, and he had heard parts of the exchange. This was not going to be pretty. He was about to push open the door and ask his mom for a private word with Serena, but he stopped himself.

Nate sighed. How did his life become so fucked up in the span of 24 hours?"

Chuck and Blair were not big Naomi fans, that much was clear. And he was sure Blair had something to do with Serena's re-appearance. On top of that, his mom was already comforting Serena from Naomi's bruises.

Nate retreated back into his room and sank down in a chair. He ran a hand through his hair. He felt like he had clarified something, hearing that whole scene unfold, but he couldn't figure out what it was.

Maybe he was so lost in thought that he didn't hear Serena slip in the door, or maybe he was half expecting her, and let her get the element of surprise. Regardless, when she grabbed his hand, he gasped.

She gently pulled him out of his chair, and kissed him. It was a long kiss, and Nate felt like it was giving him everything that he needed. When she finally pulled away, Nate felt distinctly light headed and breathless. Serena smiled.

"Take all the time you need." She whispered earnestly, before bringing their lips together again.


End file.
